CALL ME BELOVED

But I pulled you and I called you here
Didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I?
And I caught you and I brought you here
Didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I?

– excerpt from The Hazards of Love 4 (The Drowned), by the Decemberists

bleeding out the afternoon with a mechanical tranquility,
wearing headphones because that’s what it takes now –
to drown in redeeming chords and verses that stab like knives
just so you can feel as awful as you need to.

but you’re always the stranger in my daydreams,
standing in shadowy corners, behind me under the sheets –
you’re always present when I need you. orange sun as
the clock hands drip down past three o’ clock, then five.

i’m searching music for what I’ve already found in you.
we commiserate, you smile with me on the couch,
as if you wrote didn’t I? didn’t I? comfortably on your lips
curled into perfect curves – what I carry through the hours.