CALL ME BELOVED

The title for this project and this blog was taken from a piece written line-by-line on links of construction paper form a 140-line poem (and one long paper-chain).

  1.  call me beloved
  2.  and say you’ll never leave.
  3.  I’m reaching out to you the best way
  4.  that I know how, in the way
  5.  that I live day to day
  6.  and think from moment to moment –
  7.  fragments and pieces
  8.  of something intangible but real.
  9.  I’m trying to explain, in pieces,
  10.  how heartbreakingly beautiful
  11.  and real it can be, and why
  12.  I want to share it all with you.
  13.  this is a poem started on paper
  14.  and written across swatches of color,
  15.  flashes of light joined together
  16.  to make something beautiful.
  17.  this is a poem about moments,
  18.  this is a poem about you.
  19.  it’s about us, and about how
  20.  I wake at night with the pale
  21.  glow of traffic signals shifting
  22.  from yellow to red to green,
  23.  back again and back again –
  24.  fingers of light through the blinds.
  25.  it’s about how I wish you were here.
  26.  this is a poem about how I don’t
  27.  write anymore, instead I think. it’s about
  28.  how I’ve made a hobby of staring out windows
  29.  while I invent lines in my head
  30.  about falling in love with everyone
  31.  that I meet, then counter-poems
  32.  about how they are all not you:
  33.  about how the library clerk isn’t you,
  34.  about how the barista isn’t you,
  35.  countless people on the sidewalk,
  36.  not you, never you –
  37.  about how I can love everyone
  38.  yet I love no-one but you.
  39.  it’s about how there is no such thing
  40.  as an empty chair wherever I go
  41.  because you’re always near to me,
  42.  about how I like to lock eyes with you,
  43.  now a figment of my imagination,
  44.  and I’ll dare you – imaginary you –
  45.  to call me beloved,
  46.  to say you’ll never leave.
  47.  I can live with a dream
  48.  if it means you’re with me
  49.  when I’m the most alone.
  50.  this is a poem about disappointment.
  51.  this is a poem about worth.
  52.  it’s about how I could be better,
  53.  how I wish you knew exactly
  54.  how I feel, and it’s about how
  55.  I know that you do. it’s about
  56.  how we stay up late on the phone,
  57.  the silence speaking volumes,
  58.  neither of us having anything to say
  59.  but I love you. I miss you.
  60.  this poem is about missing you.
  61.  this poem is about waking up
  62.  disappointed, because you
  63.  were with me last night,
  64.  and it was as real as I could hope.
  65.  this poem is about how you felt
  66.  in my arms, how even in dreams
  67.  the feeling was right. this poem
  68.  is about how we fit.
  69.  it’s about being terrified, and
  70.  tethering myself with love –
  71.  it’s about how clearly I can see
  72.  your eyes, your smile, how
  73.  I can glean glimpses of our future.
  74.  it’s about how I know we’re happy.
  75.  it’s about houses and apartments,
  76.  dinners and holidays – and it’s
  77.  about how nothing I imagine
  78.  in the future is clear, except for you:
  79.  the ever-constant, ever-beautiful
  80.  ever-beloved, my fiancée, soon my wife.
  81.  it’s about moments where I realize
  82.  I’m loved, I’m loved, I’m loved
  83.  and the thought rushes inside of me
  84.  and lights my soul up as bright as the sun –
  85.  it’s about how you’re still my sunshine,
  86.  about how you keep me,
  87.  keep my world warm and golden.
  88.  this is a poem about questions, ones
  89.  that I never have the answer to –
  90.  it’s about the beautiful mysteries,
  91.  like waking up to your face,
  92.  the sudden pulse of emotion when
  93.  I see your smile, those very questions
  94.  I don’t need an answer to.
  95.  why question something simple
  96.  and sustaining? I wrote this out
  97.  for you, put the pieces together
  98.  so it will stretch out in flashes
  99.  of color and you can see what
  100.  flows through my mind, it’s
  101.  about love – pure and simple,
  102.  it’s about the future but mostly
  103.  it’s about right now, and how
  104.  right it feels, it’s about the ring
  105.  on your finger, how all I need
  106.  to be satisfied in this world is
  107.  to hear you say “I love you,”
  108.  for you to call me beloved
  109.  and never leave. this is a poem
  110.  about songs on the radio,
  111.  about going on gas runs
  112.  sophomore year in your
  113.  periwinkle blue Volvo, and
  114.  how you called me funny for
  115.  dropping anything and everything
  116.  just to be with you, just to watch
  117.  the trees rush by, to hold your hand
  118.  on the gear shift. it’s about how
  119.  I knew I loved you. this poem
  120.  is about how we fit, how I feel
  121.  I was made for you, how you
  122.  were made for me, it’s about how
  123.  I don’t write anymore but each line
  124.  is just cascading off the next, links
  125.  in the paper chain tumbling on
  126.  and on effortlessly. this poem is about us,
  127.  our life, it’s about what I want for us –
  128.  screaming song lyrics out open windows
  129.  hand holding and gentle kisses
  130.  forever, because that’s all I could ask for.
  131.  I want our life, our love
  132.  to be an adventure. I want you
  133.  to keep me writing, tying
  134.  the moments down onto paper
  135.  so that someday I can describe
  136.  this feeling, though I’ll try now:
  137.  as necessary as breathing,
  138.  as simple as laughter,
  139.  as important as life itself –
  140.  this is how I love you.