CALL ME BELOVED

I don’t want to forget this,
looking out of mist wrapped windows
five floors down to sodden sidewalks.
I don’t want to forget anything,
how pilly t-shirts feel against scars
that run highways across my body,
precise recollections forged into each one.

it’s why I carry painful reminders,
my talismans of secret, broken promises
known only to me, because only
I am accustomed to their weight,
how to carry them without stumbling.

don’t mistake my silence for uncaring,
or my demeanor for deliberate coolness –
I’m always cataloguing, forever I’m listening
because I cannot bear to forget.
I cannot allow myself the freedom –
who can judge just which mote
of recollection could change it all?

if allowed only one outrageous wish
to fizzle into sweet fleeting reality
then take these talismans of mine –
take them all when I’m gone,
call them sacrosanct and keep them –
keep them safe, keep them warm.